So today I had my first real big hurdle. I couldn’t sleep. Wasn’t tired. So I stayed up til 5. Finally go to lay my head down and I wake up an hour later freaking out. I don’t know why but everything is coming down upon me. My heart is racing. I am going to die…


Talk to people around me. Call someone important to me. 20 minutes later back in bed sleeping peacefully.

Wake up 4 hrs later and Now I am stressed about the fact that I am not sleeping well. This waking up in terror is now stressing me out. All I want is a soda. One coke will make everything better.


So then I start working because today is a busy day. But like a cockroach, that shit is crawling in my head behind the scene. Distracting me. An itch I can’t scratch….


Do something small, solve a rubik’s cube. Read a chapter of a light novel I am enjoying. Make sure I finish work. Cook a meal for myself. Take a meal to my grandmother because she appreciates that stuff. I still want a soda.

Finish up the day. No soda. Pretty proud of myself. I think I might be able to keep this up. No soda. Worked out. Sweated. It sucked.

I often feel myself getting overwhelmed. I bottle most of my thoughts up. It leads to me carrying a lot of stress on myself. You gotta carry that way though. Sometimes, you just have to pause and breathe. Focus on whats important. If you can’t figure out whats important, call someone to remind you.

I can’t fix everything in my life. Sometimes it seems like so much. I will never get where I want to go. I will never be healthy. I am going to die tomorrow without taking care of what I need to take care of. I don’t have control.


Control what I can. Do what needs to be done. Forget the rest. Move forward.

That stupid saying, shoot for the stars and you’ll hit the moon.


Sinner and Saint. Drunken Monk and Philosopher. I am Rufio. Part time writer, full time slacker. Now 150% times more awesome.

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